Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Poop happens.

Here, it happens a lot. As a mom, you know you're going to have to change a million diapers. You are even able to ignore most of the stink, and just do your job as best you can. Open the diaper, lift & spread, wipe and wipe and wipe, roll up the diaper & dispose, then rebundle your little bundle of joy so he can do it all over again.

And as much as I've done that, I was still wholly unprepared for the poop that has happened this week.

Problem #1: we fed Josh spinach for the first time. He loved it - going IN to him was not a problem. Coming OUT of him was not pretty. Spinach bad. Very bad.

Problem #2: diaper rash. Caused by problem #1. This is only Josh's second diaper rash, and man, it was a doozy (how do you spell that word?).

The best solution for a diaper rash is a dry bottom and fresh air. So I did what any mom would do - if she wasn't considering problem #1 (see above) - I left his diaper off after a bath and let him run around naked. Then WHAM! Problems 1 & 2 collide, and I end up with number two (not problem #2, literally NUMBER TWO) on my floor. All over my floor. We had to run a side-by-side rescue mission - Nate and the carpeting, me with Josh in the tub. It was traumatic for all three of us - Josh still doesn't want to go in the shower because I hosed him down so agressively.

So that was last week...

Today, it got even better. First, a little background information - I have been on an endless search for inexpensive diapers. I have tried store brand after store brand, trying to find a way to save a buck or two (and often more like $7). My most recent diaper experiment are Kroger Ultra Comforts. Tres cheap - $7 for a 54 pack. And sadly, not even worth that much. They leaked. And leaked. And leaked. Did I mention that they leaked? Every morning, we had to change pajamas and change the sheets. Midday, we've had to change a few leaks. Last night, however, was the worst so far. By a long shot.

Josh woke up this morning with a very wet diaper and in a very bad mood. I can't say that I blame him - he was wet just about from the neck down...I'd be pissed off (no pun intended) too. So I changed his diaper, his pajamas and the sheets. Less than an hour later, he's sitting on my lap and I smell poop. Not through-the-diaper-poop, but fresh-open-air-poop. Sure enough, his diaper is on the verge of leaking...God is merciful, and I caught it just in time. New diaper, and life is beautiful again.

Fast forward TWO HOURS. Josh walks up to me, stops in the doorway to flash an adorable grin, and then keeps walking. That's when I notice a stripe on the wall. Yes, you read that right - stripe. As in skid mark. As in "ewww, sick". And he plops down on the floor, and his diaper pretty much pops. Totally explodes.

There's not enough carpet shampoo in the world. I've scrubbed and scrubbed but I'm sure there's some sort of leftover residue that will confess to the world that I cheaped out on diapers and my poor baby paid the price. Child Protective Services will come rushing in and say "clearly you can't handle the responsibility of being a parent because you won't by brand-name diapers." Oh, how quickly it all went downhill.

So let me tell you, I hopped into the mommobile and was at Rite-Aid faster than you could believe. And I bought Huggies. Baby, I'm sorry - that million dollar butt is back in brand name diapers. Mommy now knows that you're worth every damn penny of that extra $7.