Wednesday, May 14, 2008

On the edge...

Well, we're coming up to the point of viability. I'm 23 weeks now...I thought it would offer some reassurance, and on some levels, it has. I have just felt a real shift over the last two weeks - I've come a long way since my total freakout two weeks ago.

It helps that this baby moves a LOT now. I haven't had more than a couple of hours of not noticing her movements. That offers more reassurance than anything. If I'm being honest, even in those moments I sometimes go "Is she moving too much? Is the cord strangling her too?"

It's impossible, I think, not to let our past define us. I am who I am because of the collective experiences I've had. The key for me has been not letting my past CONTROL me. I feel like I'm finally doing that well - I'm confident in who I am, and for the first time in almost a year, I'm feeling confident about the future.

I finally accepted that I was pregnant, and going to STAY pregnant. Last week, I actually took my maternity clothes out of the Rubbermaid bin I've been using and hung them in the closet. Now that's some serious optimism.

8 comments:

Aunt Becky said...

I remember celebrating viability as well.

Hooray for viability!

Rachael said...

Ah... maternity clothes. Don't worry, you will be in them soon! Congratulations on making it this far - the next 17 weeks will surely fly by!

Sarah said...

Omilord no, I've been in them for months! I just was afraid that I would lose another baby and not need them anymore, and so I didn't take them out of the box...

Brittan said...

I was gunna say...You're just now wearing maternity????? I was out of my regular jeans around 11 weeks unfortunately!

Amy said...

I'm about 11 weeks and already creeping out of my regular clothes and into maternity. I can't believe how fast I'm "growing" this time around.

And I second Aunt Becky on the "hooray for viability"!

Sarah said...

It's fast after the first one, isn't it? I swear, I peed on the stick and then had to unbutton my pants.

Kendra Lynn said...

I didn't even know I was pregnant with my second until around 12 weeks.
My oldest was only 5 1/2 months old when I found out. I think I started showing around 15 - 17 weeks with the second...I was so stressed, didn't gain much at first.
You are in my prayers.

Kendra

Mighty Morphin' Mama said...

ah, I never cared about the viability age before this pregnancy. I have never even gone into labour on my own before. But this time it matters. If I start to hemorrhage and they can't stop it, I at least know that now my baby has a chance of survival outside of me.
Morbid stuff.
I am so glad you are feeling some optimism, I thing you are doing wonderfully. And everytime I pray for my baby, I pray for yours too.